"Kung Ikaw ang nasa Kalagayan Ko"

kung ikaw ang umasa na mahal ka nya
kung ikaw ang naniwalang ikaw lang at wala ng iba
sa kabila ng pag kukulang nya, naniwala ka sa lahat ng sinabi sayo
kinalimutan mo lahat ng mga alibi
sa kabila ng pag babago ng ugali,
tanging inisip mo na lang may pinagdadaanan sya
Pinaniwalaan mo lahat, kahit nagmukha ka ng gaga..
Kung ikaw ang nasa kalagayan ko....

kung ikaw ang nag akala
Sa na sa pangit at magagandang pangyayari sa buhay nya
ikaw lang ang lagi nyang kasama, lagi ikaw karamay nya
akala mo ganun kayo
hanggang dumating ang isang magandang balita
na matagal nyo ng hinihintay
subalit ikaw ang huling taong naalala
nagdiwang na syat lahat, kasama ang mga bagong tao sa buhay nya
masakit pa nun alam na ng iba, ikaw nagmukha kang tanga
bago ka pa man nya maalala, may nagsabi ng iba
akala mo sa lahat kasama ka nya
yun pala sa magagandang bagay kakalimutan ka
dahil iba na ang nais nyang kasama
kung ikaw ang nasa kalagayan ko......

Kung ikaw ako at malaman mo
napalitan ka na pala ng di mo man lang alam
umasa ka't nagmahal
yun pala ang taong mahal mo meron ng iba
kung ikaw ang nasa kalagayan ko
di ka magagalit?
.......sa taong mahal mo at nanloko sayo
........at sa sarili mo
dahil hanggang sa huli mahal mo pa rin sya.....

kung ikaw nasa kalagayn ko siguro maiintindihan mo ako....

Until then...

a year ago ive met someone, she narrated her story about the day her bf is leaving for another country. hes a lady doctor, though it was our first meeting we were very comfortable with each other. she told me the day she found out, the departure date of her bf, i thought it was really heartbreaking. As she talks about the scene she had made on the airport i felt a very deep sorrow inside me. what if the same thing will happen to me? will i also create a scene in the airport, or jsut walk away and wallow in pain? could i handle such thing? as of that moment i could not think of any answer, instead i prayed sana di mangyari sa akin to.

Ive heard of another story the guy is leaving so soon, his gf knows about the plan yet he concealed the exact date of his departure.This girl might have loved this guy so much that he even throw out a surprise party for him, together with their friends. i thought such act will melt her bf's heart but i was wrong, on the departure date of the guy she beg herself to accompany him to the airport, but no matter how she tried to convince him, the guy said NO. A few months later the guy found another girl, through the spirit of liqour. Upon hearing this story it broke my heart for 2 reasons, one for i could not imagine how painful it was, second because im part of such pain. The fear of going through such ordeal struck me, but i know sooner or later it will come. law of the universe.

More than 2 years later i could not believe its happening to me, not exactly the same but basically yes. Someone told me the "good news", he's leaving on the 3rd of january,i tried to conceal how shock i am but my reaction betrayed me. yes he is leaving a few days from the time ive learned about it, yet i dont have a single hint. Hours later he texted me , probably he knows that anytime soon ill learn the "good news" somewhere.

I felt betrayed,i felt so much pain, i could not describe my feelings, at times i felt so numb, so numb that i could not even shed a single tear. Now i know how painful it was, i know how exactly those 2 women felt. How could i be so blind, the signs was shown in the past yet i made myself believe he's still in love with me. I did not see it coming or pretend that it's not coming, how could i fool myself that despite what had transpired in the past he'll be honest and faithful.

suddenly incidents in the past few months came into mind, the missed calls, late night hang out with the boys as he claims it, the new male friends like what he had made me believe only to find out later there were women in the group,the calls that suddenly were cut -off, the low bat things, the im with barley alibis and the sudden change of watching movie-routines. The anger he'd thrown at me everytime i asked his whereabouts, the shouting, cursing and absence of text messages. the signs were obvious yet i made myself believe everything is okay, that he's just having a hard time being jobless for a few months. i believe everything he'd told me until i saw a picture.

Picture that he wouldnt have thought ill found out, picture that could me meaningless to others, to them or the other people but matters a lot to me. Could it be her? was she the reason why those things happened, why there were sudden change of routines? i could be wrong but i could be also right. i may not be able to find the answers but the truth is in front of me, it's all over, Ive already lost him.

It hurts, but i need to face the bitter truth. I need to accept reality, though it hurts me big time. I need to move on and rearrange my life. i have to be strong, though im feeling weak right now. Ill start all over again, one day at a time one weak step each moment. i might stumble and fall but ill try to get up, ill try to muster every strenght that i have to get back in my feet. it might not be easier but ill try, ill pray and ill try and pray, until i could no longer feel any pain, until ill feel whole again, until i could give myself another chance in Love.

Until then....
but for now ill endure the pain..

better off alone

- Katharine McPhee Lyrics



One thing I'm wonderin'
When you run out of friends
Will you be coming back home?

Let's think this through again
Let's take a different spin
Why can't I leave you alone?

Somewhere tonight, you may be found
With some other girl you've been draggin' around
You lie to yourself, and you lie to me
It seems like the truth is your worst enemy

Cause baby I'm tired, tired of the fights
I'm tired of the lonely days and the dark endless nights
It's taken some time, cause I didn't know
If I could ever let you go
You helped me figure it out
I'm better off alone
Oh,I'm better off alone
Yes I am

I may be found, somewhere tonight
Cursing the day you walked into my life
What's done is done, I can't change time
But I'll be damned if I'm not gonna try
[Better Off Alone lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Oh I'm gonna try

Baby I'm tired, tired of the fights
I'm tired of the lonely days and the dark endless nights
It's taken some time, cause I didn't know
If I could ever let you go
You helped me figure it out
I'm better off alone

But every now and then, my heart gives in
To the hope that someday you'll change
Then alone I'll wake, to my own mistakes
That it's just a foolish game

I'm tired, tired of the fights
I'm tired of the lonely lonely lonely days and the dark endless nights
You didn't think, cause you didn't know
That I'd find the strength to let, let you go
I finally figured it out
I'm better off alone
Oh, I'm better off alone

One thing before I go
Something I've got to know
Boy, did you ever love me?