Who am i ......2 u

Who am I to you.........????this question seems so easy to ask , but it took me a lot of courage and strenght to finally utter these words to that special person, whom i never knew got hold of me without even noticing it. He was a bit shock, maybe he never thought that one day ill be asking him of my existence. he pause for a while and then ...... he told me friend???
His answer just took away all the sanity in me.... friend? i stopped and think what does the word friend means to me... a friend is someone i could talk to and bare my soul without even worrying what the person would think of me after. this guy who's standing in front of me in any way does not belong to my so called friends. How could he even address me that way when all we did was kissing and smooching for months. How could we be when we barrely talk about what's going on our mind and hearts. Now it was me who's shocked. i look him in his eyes and told him i can't go on a " relationship" that we could never define.
I was hurt simply because my feelings was not reciprocated. Still i stood there in front of him trying to memorize his face, trying to find sincerity in his eyes, in his cold eyes. later he ask me if we could be friends or drinking buddies maybe, still staring at his eyes i said no, i simply can't. Can't pretend that everything is fine when deep inside i am bleeding. i was there standing and just waiting for him to turn his back on me but then he just stayed looking back at me. his gaze penetrated through my soul and it hurts me more, until i could no longer stand it and told him to please just give some time......time to heal my wounded heart.

moments later he ask me to go inside, i did not say a word instead i ask him to just leave me there.... then without saying anything he just left..... leaving me outside my door looking at nowhere.

i toss and turn in my bed , no matter what i do i could not sleep, so i tried figuring out my feelings towards what had just happened, was i hurt ?yes of course. do i hate him ? of course not,, after all he was just being honest. did i regret asking him that question? no , for i wanted to know where i stand. moments later i grabbed my phone sent him a message of thanks not for hurting me of course but for being honest.......

finally i drifted to sleep....not with a smile on my face but a tear in my eyes....