"Kung Ikaw ang nasa Kalagayan Ko"

kung ikaw ang umasa na mahal ka nya
kung ikaw ang naniwalang ikaw lang at wala ng iba
sa kabila ng pag kukulang nya, naniwala ka sa lahat ng sinabi sayo
kinalimutan mo lahat ng mga alibi
sa kabila ng pag babago ng ugali,
tanging inisip mo na lang may pinagdadaanan sya
Pinaniwalaan mo lahat, kahit nagmukha ka ng gaga..
Kung ikaw ang nasa kalagayan ko....

kung ikaw ang nag akala
Sa na sa pangit at magagandang pangyayari sa buhay nya
ikaw lang ang lagi nyang kasama, lagi ikaw karamay nya
akala mo ganun kayo
hanggang dumating ang isang magandang balita
na matagal nyo ng hinihintay
subalit ikaw ang huling taong naalala
nagdiwang na syat lahat, kasama ang mga bagong tao sa buhay nya
masakit pa nun alam na ng iba, ikaw nagmukha kang tanga
bago ka pa man nya maalala, may nagsabi ng iba
akala mo sa lahat kasama ka nya
yun pala sa magagandang bagay kakalimutan ka
dahil iba na ang nais nyang kasama
kung ikaw ang nasa kalagayan ko......

Kung ikaw ako at malaman mo
napalitan ka na pala ng di mo man lang alam
umasa ka't nagmahal
yun pala ang taong mahal mo meron ng iba
kung ikaw ang nasa kalagayan ko
di ka magagalit?
.......sa taong mahal mo at nanloko sayo
........at sa sarili mo
dahil hanggang sa huli mahal mo pa rin sya.....

kung ikaw nasa kalagayn ko siguro maiintindihan mo ako....

Until then...

a year ago ive met someone, she narrated her story about the day her bf is leaving for another country. hes a lady doctor, though it was our first meeting we were very comfortable with each other. she told me the day she found out, the departure date of her bf, i thought it was really heartbreaking. As she talks about the scene she had made on the airport i felt a very deep sorrow inside me. what if the same thing will happen to me? will i also create a scene in the airport, or jsut walk away and wallow in pain? could i handle such thing? as of that moment i could not think of any answer, instead i prayed sana di mangyari sa akin to.

Ive heard of another story the guy is leaving so soon, his gf knows about the plan yet he concealed the exact date of his departure.This girl might have loved this guy so much that he even throw out a surprise party for him, together with their friends. i thought such act will melt her bf's heart but i was wrong, on the departure date of the guy she beg herself to accompany him to the airport, but no matter how she tried to convince him, the guy said NO. A few months later the guy found another girl, through the spirit of liqour. Upon hearing this story it broke my heart for 2 reasons, one for i could not imagine how painful it was, second because im part of such pain. The fear of going through such ordeal struck me, but i know sooner or later it will come. law of the universe.

More than 2 years later i could not believe its happening to me, not exactly the same but basically yes. Someone told me the "good news", he's leaving on the 3rd of january,i tried to conceal how shock i am but my reaction betrayed me. yes he is leaving a few days from the time ive learned about it, yet i dont have a single hint. Hours later he texted me , probably he knows that anytime soon ill learn the "good news" somewhere.

I felt betrayed,i felt so much pain, i could not describe my feelings, at times i felt so numb, so numb that i could not even shed a single tear. Now i know how painful it was, i know how exactly those 2 women felt. How could i be so blind, the signs was shown in the past yet i made myself believe he's still in love with me. I did not see it coming or pretend that it's not coming, how could i fool myself that despite what had transpired in the past he'll be honest and faithful.

suddenly incidents in the past few months came into mind, the missed calls, late night hang out with the boys as he claims it, the new male friends like what he had made me believe only to find out later there were women in the group,the calls that suddenly were cut -off, the low bat things, the im with barley alibis and the sudden change of watching movie-routines. The anger he'd thrown at me everytime i asked his whereabouts, the shouting, cursing and absence of text messages. the signs were obvious yet i made myself believe everything is okay, that he's just having a hard time being jobless for a few months. i believe everything he'd told me until i saw a picture.

Picture that he wouldnt have thought ill found out, picture that could me meaningless to others, to them or the other people but matters a lot to me. Could it be her? was she the reason why those things happened, why there were sudden change of routines? i could be wrong but i could be also right. i may not be able to find the answers but the truth is in front of me, it's all over, Ive already lost him.

It hurts, but i need to face the bitter truth. I need to accept reality, though it hurts me big time. I need to move on and rearrange my life. i have to be strong, though im feeling weak right now. Ill start all over again, one day at a time one weak step each moment. i might stumble and fall but ill try to get up, ill try to muster every strenght that i have to get back in my feet. it might not be easier but ill try, ill pray and ill try and pray, until i could no longer feel any pain, until ill feel whole again, until i could give myself another chance in Love.

Until then....
but for now ill endure the pain..

better off alone

- Katharine McPhee Lyrics



One thing I'm wonderin'
When you run out of friends
Will you be coming back home?

Let's think this through again
Let's take a different spin
Why can't I leave you alone?

Somewhere tonight, you may be found
With some other girl you've been draggin' around
You lie to yourself, and you lie to me
It seems like the truth is your worst enemy

Cause baby I'm tired, tired of the fights
I'm tired of the lonely days and the dark endless nights
It's taken some time, cause I didn't know
If I could ever let you go
You helped me figure it out
I'm better off alone
Oh,I'm better off alone
Yes I am

I may be found, somewhere tonight
Cursing the day you walked into my life
What's done is done, I can't change time
But I'll be damned if I'm not gonna try
[Better Off Alone lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Oh I'm gonna try

Baby I'm tired, tired of the fights
I'm tired of the lonely days and the dark endless nights
It's taken some time, cause I didn't know
If I could ever let you go
You helped me figure it out
I'm better off alone

But every now and then, my heart gives in
To the hope that someday you'll change
Then alone I'll wake, to my own mistakes
That it's just a foolish game

I'm tired, tired of the fights
I'm tired of the lonely lonely lonely days and the dark endless nights
You didn't think, cause you didn't know
That I'd find the strength to let, let you go
I finally figured it out
I'm better off alone
Oh, I'm better off alone

One thing before I go
Something I've got to know
Boy, did you ever love me?

Give me a Break

How could you say you love me, when you lied in front of my face! How could you ask me to hear you out , and forgive you, when you cant even tell me the truth. How could i pity you, when you dont even deserve any kindness from me.
It's been a while since that incident happened and yet all you could do is ask for forgiveness, via text msgs, is that all you can really do?You expect me to just forgive you for what you have done? give me a break i so deserve more than that, at least let me hear the bitter truth coming from you. You've been on the internet almost all the time and yet you could not even write a single note for me, or at least use it as medium on explaining you side. then you expect me to understand you?
Im really running out of reasons on why should we give this relationship a chance. running out of reason that we could make it despite the distance and individual differences. I can't think really well, all i wanted to do as of the moment is to stay away from you. I dont want to hear your lies and alibis, im tired just really tired. You are claiming that it's quite difficult for you, and you think sending me out 2 msgs a day would make me believe it was indeed difficult on your part?
if you were on my shoes, what would you believe my actions or my words?

You've lost my trust and words can't simply put it back, it takes efforts my dear not to mention patience too.

Salamat Barley

"where are you?"
"i'm walking the dog around"
"Hmmm"
oops may problema tayo"
"wait, wait, i called earlier and ive heard him bark on the background"

the line suddenly went blank, when dialled again the line was nowhere to reach, after several attempt still the line is dead. later i dialled their home number, the lady i spoke with confirmed that he's not around but barley is, then again i've heard him barking so loud on the background.
they say dog is a man's bestfriend, ive been fond of dogs. It all begun when my friend gave me one a long time ago, my first dog itchi, honestly he's my favorite among them all. though he's gone now i still miss him so much, how i wish i could spend more time with him. Now i have barley i nver thought i could find a friend in him. i barely hear him bark when im calling the house, usually i could not even hear a single sound coming from him. last night was different though, he was barking out so loud as if telling me don't ever believe some idiots trying to use him as an excuse to cover up to whatever he's may up to.
Wee hours in the morning i called again, it was 4:30am after my second try he picked up, sounding tired and sleepy, i did not waste my time, ive asked him again, still he clung to his lies. I went berserk the hell he could do that, i started cursing him and calling him names, he deserve it anyway. he tried to explain but no tantamount of explaination would pacify me. He lied i caught him and now he's tryng to make some other lame excuses to convince me that he was not lying. For crying out loud , just be honest even for once in your life.
I never regret anything, not even a single word i've said, given the chance i would get even and ill say it over and over again. We've laid down our rules, i even emphasize one thing , "if in any case you get tired of us or of me, dont fool around just let me know and ill set you free". It was plain and simple, yet how could he not understand? How could he fool me like that? the answer simple he'd been a cheater and will always be a cheater, and im stupid enough to believe he's done with his escapades.
if barley did not bark or should he kept silent as he always do, i would never find out that the person i've love so much was making a fool of me. Thank you bar, isa kang tunay na kaibigan, balang araw kukunin ulit kita sa kanya, dahil sa akin ka nababagay.

the storm

an unexpected storm hit our "princess"

No signs and warnings it just came by surprise

In a blink of an the storm changed t everything

No matter how hard she tried to stand still

the storm had hit her hard and bruised her shoulder

She wiggered as the strong winds blow

she tried to keep her balance so no one would fall below

but no matter how hard she tried to keep them all

some of them hit the ground, that shook her soul



Despite the pain her bruised shoulder had brought her

she tried to bend to gather the fallen pieces

but before she could reach out , she's losing another part

it pains her, but she knows it's best to let go

she'd rather save some than losing them all

some was mad at her for letting the others go

some were afraid that anytime soon they'll follow

some lose their faith, others keep high hopes


that soon enough this storm will pass


Tears flowed as they the rain wash away the fallen parts

her heart was broken, but she needs to endure tha pain

as she lost sight of the parted ones

she made a promise
when the storm stopped and the sun had shown

she'll look for them, and bring them back
to where they should belong