back to zero

Im sorry for what i did, for all the shouting and vile words i've thrown. Yeah maybe you just called to greet me on my birthday but the pain i still bear inside was pushing me so hard. You've done so much effort ,im aware that you've been trying to reach me for the last 3 days, then when you finally got hold of me all i did was letting you know how much i hate you. No i don't really hate you, the bitter truth is ive been waiting for your call, i miss you so much that it hurts.

I'm sorry for rractign so badly, i just need to cover up the feelings i have for you, i still you, i still want you but you've chosen another path, leaving me behind with questions and pain. I wanted to love you from a distance, i still wan to know how's your life going on now adays but if i let myself gets closer to you, it's liek letting you hurt me over and over again.

Now im in misery again, whatever defenses i was able to put up in the last few weeks was totally devastated. back to zero na naman ako. balik sa simula, balik sa sakit. Oh god i wanted to get this out of my chest.

last straw

it's been more than six monthsd since my life had turned upside down, more than six months since i've been asking him to tell me the real score, moretha six months since ive been bothering his mom about the pain im bearing inside, more than six months since his mom told me she does not know anything about it.

A few days ago i was shocked by what his mom had told me, when i asked her again if she ever met his other girl this was her casual reply "ganito kasi yun nugn birthday nya dumating yung janice may kasamang lalaki, sa isip ko ano kaya nya itong babaeng ito" . the next thing i said was "tita i asked you before if you ever met his other woman you said no" there was a quick silence . I was in real shocked by what she had told me, then later in the conversation she even informed me that he and his girl had borken up as well, how could she know it when she keeps on telling me she does not know anything?

This what his son was bragging about ,his mom's loyalty is on him no matter what he was so proud of it. Honestly , just like what ive told his dad ive never met a liar like him, never in my entire life. His dad even confessed that his family knows everything from his relationship with his ex to the recent one, cokment ng sis nya" si kuya niloloko si cecille, sila pa ni gladys".

The moment I hanged up the phone tears were already flowing, i dont know what i did to deserve that kind of treatment. If i ever did something or it just so happened i loved and trusted the wrong people.

that was the last straw, i could no longer bear it, i cold not live with it anymore.
it has to stop and it better stop now.