a prodigal daugther's prayer

Dear Lord,

countless times i have hurt you , but despite of what i did you endlesly showered me with blessings. i am grateful for everything you have done in my life, for giving me a nice paying job, a job that way back then was a part of my dream. Now that i have what i dreamed of, i almost wasted it. Lord please forgive me for not giving my heart into it. help me please to appreciate more of what i'm doing right now and the fruits it brings to me and my family.
Lord last night when i was talking to my father my call turned out to be a pain in his heart instead of happiness. Honestly i love him but problems in our family clouded my heart and brings out the worst in me. God sorry for the sorrow i brought him last night , i just hope you could still give me more time to straighten things up with him. Lord also please be with my family always most especially mike, touch his heart God, please humble our hearts.

God when i found alex i'm not really sure how i felt for him, but as the days goes by i know iam falling for this person. for me he is a blessing you have sent me. the moment he came i told myself finally you have given me someone whom i could relate my life with. God i am happy being with him, love each moment we spend together, but i know i made another mistake for i have use your blessing to hurt you even more. God please forgive me, for allowing myself to be used by satan against you.
today when he told me about his mishap i was thinking maybe it was YOU calling us to come back to YOU. God thank you for reminding us again how powerful you are in our life and for letting us know (again) we can't do anything without YOU by our side. I love this man, please guide our relationship. Be with us Lord as we walk our path in the road of life, us being together.
God forgive us for all the hurts and pained we have given you. thank you for the love and blessings you are giving us.

Please be with us always. we love You.

all these i pray in Jesus name
Amen.

changes in my life

Due to our frequent fights, i've come up with a list of habbits, attitude or whatever you call it tha i need to change:

I will quit smoking: you never ask me to stop it, but i'll stop it anyway, for my health and for you.

Drink Moderately: well you frankly restrict me from drinking ( alcoholic beverages of course) if your not around or i could just drink with randy. Well i decided to just do it if you are with me and i will drink moderately. Again i'm doing this not just for the betterment of our relationship but for self improvement as well.

Stop going out with the ex boylets: you might not explicitly told me but i know why you are giving me cold shoulders lately, it was because you saw me drinking with ace the other night. for me he was a thing from the past but if us being together in any occasion freaks you out, fine with me i won't be hanging out with him anymore. i'm doing this for us.

keep our Problems between us: i'm really guilty of this one, things gets a lot uglier for i let someone know what's going on between us, most especially our problems and misunderstandings. We are two mature people i guess we arecapable of solving our own differences.

keep my promise: no matter what it takes, i should keep every word i've given you.

don't push: yeah most of the time i push you to your limits, i almost emptied your patience. you been patient enough to my every whims but i always wanted more, i never get satisfied . i always weanted things to happen exactly how i want it, i never even consideryour feelings. It's gonna be a two way traffic this time.

committment: You been asking this word from since day 1 but i just can't give it to you. You are right about last night i am afraid of this word, for i don't want to change my life and the way i live it, but i can't afford losing us just becuz of being afraid and selfish. If you will ask me again about it, i'll give it a shot ( my bestshot everrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

hoping with this self change our relationship would be better. i know you don;t believe everytime i profess my love, but i really do love you. stubborn lang talaga ako just like you.

Remember when we had fight actually not a fight we had an argument about my past relationship, i was so worried that you might drop our relationship becuz of my dark affairs. I don't want to talk to the guy for i believe that whatever we have right now my former relationships has nothing to do with it, i was not able to understand that for you to know me better you have to consider what i've been through. I told i was afraid that i might lose you which made you more eager to find out what really happened between me and the guy. that night i don't really know what to do so i ended up talkingover a glenfidich 'bout how feel with someone i consider as my father. I cried the whole time for such a very short period of time i became to used f having you beside me. i know anything could happen in a relationship , at that moment i'm not really sure if i'm prepared in what is bount to happen. I cried as if there's no tommorrow for you and me. Just before i finally fell asleep and when my eyes are run out of tears , i finally came to my senses and preapred myself for whatever will happen. That is when i've found courage to text you saying " whatever the outcome of your talked with ( forgot what's next ).... then i know for a fact that you can't love someone you don't trust, needlesss to say that you don't trust me. thanks for everything". I've sent message with a heavy heart for deep inside me , i'll be shattered if you decided to end this up. The next day when i went out i've tried my best to enjoy but i just can't get off my mind on our situation. The moment you called to inform me that we are going to talked when i get back, gave me a little hope, only to disaapoint myself when you did even bother to visit or call me, to make things worst i dialled your number only to be answered by a voicemail. The whole time i was working and waiting a sign of your existence tormented me. How my heart leaps when finally at the end of the cruise you paid me a visit. You know very well that i still need to work that tiem but i excused myself to finally settle things between us. good thing we were able to iron things out betwen us.

today we were talking about you past relationship and as you tell your story i can't help but wonder , what if those things would happen between us, would you also dessert me in times i needed you most? What if you gf of 5 years wants you back, would you at least be honest to inform me? or would you fool me as well? you always comment that i'm a very pessimistic person, how could you blame me? We started in a very strange way and yet i have given you almost all of me. Upon hearing your story i made up my mind to space myself from you, i don't want to end crying and hurting, i don't want to be crippled when the time comes. Somehow i need to reserve love and respect for myself.
Countless times i've told you how much i love you, words that according to you is not true, for you don;t it that way. I don't even know how to overcome all these insecurities and worries, and now adding up you doubts on how i really feel.
Just want you to know that i'm enjoying every moment i spent with you, evrytime i look at you i wanna tell you how much you mean to me but oftentimes i suppress myself afraid that you'll answer back with i don't believe you.

As for now i leave evrything to fate and God , if we are really meant for each other then somehow we will be able to carry out, if not then maybe somebosy else is waiting for us. i just want to enjoy and savor the moment while there's still us.

dry dock

Oct 17 at 4:00 am princess sailed all the way to freeport bahams for our dry dock, i was so excited to experience dry dock. We stayed in island palm hotel, we were 4 in room 235 me, Gina, Lyn and Mommy perl. As a group we are doing fine we simply jive, by the way extended ang group namin regular visitor namin sina jeff , arnel, tony and then later on Noel c and alex. wonder how it happend? well simply becuz of that particular tequila night. jeff was playing casino in isle of capri when i became so bored that i decided to wonder around Lucaya. there in one of those restaurants we saw tony and lyn having a good chit chat, they told us about this place called Prop club for a dance.

it all started in Prop club we were just dancing and drinking of course ( corona) when all of sudden my naughty side strikes again, i ask Paul G to have a tequila shot, there it goes started from one shot , then became two and then i lost count. Before i knew it me and alex were holding hands together , i was drunk yes but still i'm aware of it. Back to the hotel we decided to stay a bit in his room , surprisingly we found nancy lying in bed while blake is playing music on his computer. As far as i could remember the next thing i know was You and me were together and everybody was asleep, we talked no i did most of the talking and you listen. What did i say? i could no longer remember all i could of is that i was with you until 5 am. upon seeing other crew busy preparing for the days work we decided that it was time for me to get some rest and for you to go to work,. You accompany me in my room, when i was about to enter you've given me a kiss. It was light but it seems to weigh a lot.

When i woke up during lunch time i don't even know if i want to open my eyes again, the spirit of liquor had long been gone and the realization of what had happened started to sink in me. I was afraid on how am i going to face you again, all day long i've been contemplating on how it would be. Dinner time came and here you are, brought me some food, i know then that what had started would lead to something else. I'm scared but still i'm willing to give us a chance.

Dry dock had ended last Oct 28th, but i'm glad that we are still holding on. i don't know for how long, all i know is im happy having you beside me. i'm glad you came into my life and i hope and pray that we will be able to carry on no matter what comes in our way.