Remember when we had fight actually not a fight we had an argument about my past relationship, i was so worried that you might drop our relationship becuz of my dark affairs. I don't want to talk to the guy for i believe that whatever we have right now my former relationships has nothing to do with it, i was not able to understand that for you to know me better you have to consider what i've been through. I told i was afraid that i might lose you which made you more eager to find out what really happened between me and the guy. that night i don't really know what to do so i ended up talkingover a glenfidich 'bout how feel with someone i consider as my father. I cried the whole time for such a very short period of time i became to used f having you beside me. i know anything could happen in a relationship , at that moment i'm not really sure if i'm prepared in what is bount to happen. I cried as if there's no tommorrow for you and me. Just before i finally fell asleep and when my eyes are run out of tears , i finally came to my senses and preapred myself for whatever will happen. That is when i've found courage to text you saying " whatever the outcome of your talked with ( forgot what's next ).... then i know for a fact that you can't love someone you don't trust, needlesss to say that you don't trust me. thanks for everything". I've sent message with a heavy heart for deep inside me , i'll be shattered if you decided to end this up. The next day when i went out i've tried my best to enjoy but i just can't get off my mind on our situation. The moment you called to inform me that we are going to talked when i get back, gave me a little hope, only to disaapoint myself when you did even bother to visit or call me, to make things worst i dialled your number only to be answered by a voicemail. The whole time i was working and waiting a sign of your existence tormented me. How my heart leaps when finally at the end of the cruise you paid me a visit. You know very well that i still need to work that tiem but i excused myself to finally settle things between us. good thing we were able to iron things out betwen us.

today we were talking about you past relationship and as you tell your story i can't help but wonder , what if those things would happen between us, would you also dessert me in times i needed you most? What if you gf of 5 years wants you back, would you at least be honest to inform me? or would you fool me as well? you always comment that i'm a very pessimistic person, how could you blame me? We started in a very strange way and yet i have given you almost all of me. Upon hearing your story i made up my mind to space myself from you, i don't want to end crying and hurting, i don't want to be crippled when the time comes. Somehow i need to reserve love and respect for myself.
Countless times i've told you how much i love you, words that according to you is not true, for you don;t it that way. I don't even know how to overcome all these insecurities and worries, and now adding up you doubts on how i really feel.
Just want you to know that i'm enjoying every moment i spent with you, evrytime i look at you i wanna tell you how much you mean to me but oftentimes i suppress myself afraid that you'll answer back with i don't believe you.

As for now i leave evrything to fate and God , if we are really meant for each other then somehow we will be able to carry out, if not then maybe somebosy else is waiting for us. i just want to enjoy and savor the moment while there's still us.